The badness within.

Inspired by my sisters post (7 of the bad), and the one she bounced off (Bad stuff), I am inspired to put some of my badness out there for the world to see.

Like my sister, I am 'quietly anxious.' Things stress me out (omg they are going to cut my tree down!! what ever will I do now!?) Never mind that the tree is all but dead. Thinking about it being cut down stresses me. Need to go a 'different' way? = anxiety. It lodges just there in my chest and sometimes it can take a concerted effort to ignore it or talk myself down.

I am great at ignoring things. Either deliberately or not. Out of sight, out of mind works wonders for me. Should I tidy something up before I am done with it (like that pair of socks I am knitting) it will stay 'tidied.' For months, if not years. I also forget lots of things. Like posting the last pictures of the Photo A Day Challenge here. :s

Despite everything to the contrary, I like things neat and tidy. But...perhaps excessively so. Nicely made bed, with cat prints on it? Totally annoying. And these aren't even muddy prints, just indentations on the fabric. Nice clean kitchen that *I* 'mess up' making a meal in? grr. So, I try to avoid being TOO tidy to avoid the stress of things being messed up. Of course, it's easier now days with no kids or SO's in my life. Imagining a SO in my life will flip me straight into the anxious mode.

I have a great imagination. Good in some respects, bad in others. Until fairly recently I could think about 'going for a walk' in great detail and then decree (from the safety of my bed at 6am) that I had already done it. As with the above statement, I can also imagine a SO in my life and shy away from them, without ever having met them.

I very VERY often say things without thinking (I asked an older lady at the market if she knew how to turn her computer on *imagining* myself to be witty). And on the flip side, over thing what I should say in a particular situation and then spend so long dithering that I don't say anything. To make that a ménage à trois, I rarely say things when I ought to, such as 'no' to any particular request. If I do stand up for myself, then...I'll say things without thinking. :o I lack tact.

I'm a shitty hostess, and guest. If people turn up I almost NEVER offer a drink or bite to eat. Hell, I'll be lucky if the loo is flushed. When I am at someone else's table for tea, I never compliment the cook. I'll do the dishes, or hang out washing without being asked though. Which apparently has been getting on someones nerves. I think I am being 'helpful' (as a way of saying thank you.)

I'm also crap at saying thank you. For dinner, gifts, company. you name it, and there is a good chance I didn't say thank you. I refer you back to the over thinking something, and never saying what I wanted to/ought to have.

I have no faith in myself. I won't TRY, lest I fail. I don't like failure. If I don't try, I *can't* fail. Which, I guess is failure by default, hmm? This is only a brand spanking new realisation that 'erupted' when I was talking with a friend about my license. He didn't get it either.

Like Ilja, I rarely take my own advice. To quote Harry Potter, no one likes a know-it-all, including me..even if that IS me. For the most part though, I can now let people carry on with their totally wrong facts and leave them to it. I'm also happy to let them have their own opinion on things, without trying to make them see it my way (which of course, is the way they should see it in the first place).

I get terribly pissed off when I see/hear/know that people are doing the exact same things I was condemned for, and getting away with it. Mostly it is married couples, which seems to be ok. Be a single mum, and its not. I know whats done is done and there is nothing I can do about the past or 'everyone else,' but it still shits me.

Well, that will do. I need to play with the baby guinea pigs again, coz they are cute as.